Why Do They Ask Her Out Then Ghost?
What confuses me most about dating is probably this. I seem to meet a lot of men who act like they're really interested in seeing me again, and then I never hear from them. For example, I recently had a first date with someone that seemed to go well. He flirted, asked if I wanted to see him again, and said he was glad when I told him that I did. He even mentioned a specific place we could go on our next date. Never heard from him again. I can't figure out if it's something I might be doing, although I'm always receptive if I like someone and he seems to like me. It's really disappointing to get my hopes up for a second date when that never seems to materialize.
I’m not a fan of talking about the second date on the first date for this reason. Unfortunately, most people lack the foresight and self-awareness to know they’re the type to leave the date and, by the end of the night, lose interest. I truly believe many people - men and women - ask about that second date on the first date in the hopes the other person will say yes because they’re insecure and need an ego stroke. The better course of action is to say goodnight, get home, do a quick post-mortem about whether you want to see them again, then ask them out or send that thank you text in the hopes they’ll extend an invitation to another date.
Simply put, dating apps have made people very fickle. That promise of newness and excitement is always just a few swipes away. Some people would rather remain in a circuitous loop full of dopamine highs than pick one person and explore the possibility of an actual relationship. A lot of singles have gotten hooked on that initial rush of excitement. I firmly believe that’s the leading cause to why so many people come home from first dates elated only to feel dejected in the span of a couple days.
I can’t tell you how many comments, letters and questions I have received detailing this exact predicament. IT’S NOT YOU. It’s actually a really good sign they asked to see you again because it means you’re a great first date. Many people don’t get that far.
The next time someone brings up a second date while you’re still on the first and you get excited, just remind yourself that this person very well might fade into the abyss once you part ways. Prepare yourself to not hear from them. Remain detached.
Mostly importantly, realize that whether or not that person follows through is not a statement of your worth or attractiveness. It probably has very little to do with you if they asked you out to begin with.
With or without that second date you are okay. You are worthy. You are loveable.
And remember…fuck that guy.
OP here: As it turns out, I did hear from this man again, and he did ask me out. So I guess I reacted too quickly, but probably because this has happened multiple times already. I think you are right about the seemingly "endless" number of options out there, and how that becomes a draw for so many: perfection is just around the next corner. So nice that someone actually did follow up, and I appreciate the insight and positive comments.
Hey, Coach! Swipe left, swipe right, forget about it. However you meet a guy, get your communications completely offline ASAP. Talk voice, not text, meet up and do stuff together completely offline. You cannot get things going with someone in the online context, you just can't. I'm an old guy, I was around when it all started in 1992. I met a lot of women online and the only ones that worked were those gals that could get out of the online realm and into sociable sunshine. The same applies today. If you get a guy that can't leave the online realm and be a real person, better he ghosts. All this assumes the woman is also capable. I fear the online "realm" has stunted basic social/dating/mating skills for large numbers of folks. But you're right, Coach. You're right as rain. When they treat ya like that, well, caps intended, Fuck Em.