Why Can't Some People Be Alone?

THIS WEEK’S POSTS:

Is Her Boyfriend In Love With His BFF?

Is She His Partner or His Property?

Is Your Crush Actually a Crutch?

Do You Miss Your Ex Or Their Drama?

Dating While You’re Healing From Trauma

I met a guy who was recently out of a 2 year relationship. We met 6 weeks after it ended. He said he was finished with that relationship. We dated for 4 months, took it slow, didn’t start sleeping together for 2 months. We spent several weekends together, got along great, so many things in common, mad chemistry.

His ex calls and tells him she wants to work things out. He tells me that he’s really confused and needs a couple of days to sort out his feelings. Three days later, he told me he’s going back with her. I was blindsided even though I knew he was recently out of a relationship. He said he hadn’t been in touch with her since they split other than that one call.

I’m so blown away but I held my head up high, told him I understood and wished them well. My question is, if it doesn’t work out with them and he contacts me, should I ever give him another chance?

I’m proud of you. That is not an easy situation to endure. You can walk away knowing you were gracious and mature.

As I mentioned in a recent post, to fully move on after a break-up someone needs to avoid anything asociated with their former partner. That way, the oxytocin bond they’ve formed with their ex will have time to dissolve.

It doesn’t suprise me that his ex reached out just when he moved on. They may not have been in touch, but I will bet money they were keeping tabs on each other through friends and social media. I suspect he never fully left her in the past. Without that distance, he was more open to giving things another go.

After a break-up, some people self-medicate with alcohol or casual sex. Whether they realize it or not, many of them are trying to replace the chemical surges of dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin they experienced while in a relationship. That’s likely one reason so many people can not stay single for long. They rebound to avoid the effects of withdrawl.

Whether or not this guy was rebounding is not something I can say for sure. More than likely he was but wasn’t cognizant of it. If was so easily persuaded to get back together with his Ex that tells me he wasn’t far enough along in his healing to be dating anyone. Even if his Ex didn’t ask to reconcile, I suspect he would have found another excuse to end things. This guy lacks self-awareness. Maybe he’ll develop some after this relationship implodes again, as it likely will.

If he comes back around, you can give him another shot. It wouldn’t make you sad or pathetic to do so. Life (and people) is more complex than that. However, I would keep your expectations very low.