There’s a specific type of man on popular internet platforms that doesn’t immediately set off alarm bells. He’s not loud, he’s not aggressive, and he’s definitely not overtly creepy. If anything, he comes across as thoughtful. Self-aware. Maybe even a little wounded. He talks openly about his struggles, reflects on his past, and seems genuinely invested in understanding himself.

His demeanor is often mild-mannered and soft-spoken. He’s a nice guy, but not a Nice Guy (TM) if you get my drift. By that I mean he’s emotionally attuned and intelligent but, like, with an edge. The kind of guy many women who date men wish they could match with on a dating app. On the surface, he looks like the exact kind of man women say they want more of. Here’s where the aforementioned Ick presents itself.

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This type of man overshares to an uncomfortable degree. Not in a sexually gratuitous way or in a manner that feels inappropriate. I’m talking straight-up trauma dumping.

They’re what Carrie Bradshaw might call emotionally slutty.

Before I go further, let’s clarify terms. To me, being emotionally slutty isn’t the same as socially inappropriate oversharing. We all have moments where anxiety, past trauma, or neurodivergence lead us to overshare without expecting anything in return. What I’m describing, however, is a more transactional, manipulative form of emotional openness. (Think Therapy Jeff, who, along with MJ Gray, I can proudly say I blocked years ago after clocking their phony bullshit.)

The idea for this post struck me while I was scrolling through my Instagram stories and came across a guru-type man that I follow. He was talking about his attachment wounds and how he believes they’re interfering with his love life. I applaud the transparency. It’s the frequency with which he displays said transparency and the mediums he uses to do it.

Now, listen. We love a self-aware King. I believe we should applaud men for being attuned to their emotions and unhealed trauma. (Looking at you, Hot Priest from Fleabag.) But there’s a line for me between being authentically vulnerable and using parasocial intimacy as a business model, with the currency of choice being women’s emotional labor.

The Self-Sabotaging Avoidant With Intimacy Issues

If you’ve listened to any of my podcasts about newly engaged influencer Danielle Walter, you’ve heard me describe this kind of social media persona. They crave love, but do everything possible to ruin their chances at it once the opportunity arises. Their self-awareness is non-existent. These are the Kings of Emotional Sluttiness. I think it’s great that the love guru I follow understands what’s holding him back from forming a lasting connection with another person. For me, the turn-off is that he’s sharing this vulnerability with anyone with a smartphone. I’ve said in the past that vulnerability is earned. If you give it away to anyone, then it loses its value.

The Introspective But Wounded Philosopher

These men infuse their content with therapy-speak about setting boundaries or taking accountability. They conduct personal inventory and first-date post-mortems as part of their content strategy. A man like this doesn’t process his emotions and experiences so much as he performs them.

The Self-Obsessed Sad Clown

They think they’re emotionally intelligent because they read books and attend the opera or ballet. They’re usually of above-average attractiveness. Maybe even pedigreed with a degree from a top-tier school or job in a high-status industry. You know what they’re not? Interesting. They have the depth of a kiddie pool. Their reasons for rejecting people usually have to do with some made-up-in-their-head flaw, like the person is too attached to their pet or works for a non-profit. They’re a catch, you see. “Why can’t I find love?” they ask. Because you’re the worst. That’s why.

The Emotional Opportunist

These are the real threats because they weaponize transparency and self-awareness for personal gain. Being able to name and identify their emotions creates an illusion of safety, transforming followers into caretakers, always there with a figurative hanky in the form of a private message offering to lend an ear. They reassure him and offer advice. In return, they get an abbreviated version of The Boyfriend Experience. That customizable package includes check-in texts and flirty messages that always stay on the right side of platonic, so that when the inevitable “what are we” question comes up, they can say they never intended to lead the woman on and how sorry they feel that their wires got crossed, and they hope things can be salvaged because they’ve grown to love and appreciate the woman and her friendship. Fuck those guys.

It used to be that men used dating apps for free therapy. Now they’re using Threads and TikTok. Only now, the audience is bigger and the validation is endless.

To avoid falling for this kind of emotional bait-and-switch, listen to the free companion podcast episode, where I’ll talk about how to spot the difference between authentic vulnerability and performative oversharing.

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In this episode of Character Analysis, I’m revisiting one of my all-time favorite Sex and the City episodes, “Critical Condition,” and using it as a jumping-off point to talk about something we’ve all experienced but don’t always know how to handle.

What does it bother us so much when certain people don’t like us?

We’re getting into Carrie Bradshaw, Face Girl, and that very specific kind of social discomfort where the vibes with someone are off, but you can’t figure out why. Worse, you can’t stop obsessing over it.

I break down why moments like that stick with us, why we spiral, and why it’s not always about them. Sometimes these interactions rip open a wound we never knew existed.

Coming up in this episode:
• Why certain people’s opinions get under our skin more than others
• How to separate what actually happened from what we think happened
• Why rumination is the real problem, not the interaction itself
• And how to get clarity without needing closure from someone else

And of course, if you want the deeper dive, this week’s subscriber episode is all about dating influencer Danielle Walters and her viral proposal, where I break down the verbal and behavioral red flags and how to tell if someone in your life might not have the best intentions.

The subscriber episode goes up this Sunday evening.

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When “Critical Condition” first aired in 2002, I sided with Carrie. I still do. As toxic as Carrie was, her attitude towards Nina, aka Face Girl, was justified. Yes, Carrie was annoying AF, but Nina dropped a figurative bomb in Carrie’s lap for no reason, then ducked for cover.

Nobody likes feeling as though they’re the butt of somebody’s in-joke. Nina’s “face-and-run,” as Carrie described it, was intended to embarrass Carrie when Carrie hadn’t done anything to Nina to deserve it. It was an attempt at a power move, but Nina’s quick exit stage left revealed her to be who she was in that moment: An insecure person wanting to hurt someone to feel better about themselves.

Years ago, when I first moved to New York City, I had a Nina in my building. I was in my mid-twenties at the time. My Nina (I’ll call her Nina 2) was maybe about five or so years older than I. Nina 2 would see me approaching the entrance to our building, enter, and let the door close behind her. She never held it open for me. At first, I thought maybe she didn’t see me. But when it happened again, this time after I was sure she’d seen me, I started to wonder if I’d somehow offended her. On one occasion, we rode up in the elevator together in total silence. Seconds before she got off on her floor, she turned to me and said, “Are you wearing perfume?” Before I could answer, she said, “It’s very strong.”

Like Carrie, I stood there, mouth slightly agape, and watched her exit the elevator.

What the fuck?

I’d given myself a quick spray of whatever scent I’d worn before leaving for work, but that was it. Those five seconds stayed with me for days. What had I done to her? I racked my brain, trying to remember any slight I might have committed. Our apartments were separated by several floors. I had no pets. I never partied. What was her problem with me?

A few weeks later, I ran into her in the laundry room. As I was unloading my clothes from one of the machines, she said, “Your clothes have been sitting there for a while. There are other people in the building. You should be more considerate.”

Then - poof - she was gone. Again, she’d given me no chance to respond. What made this particular interaction sting was that she was right. My wash had been in the machine for about twenty minutes after the timer had gone off, and it was a Saturday afternoon. I’d been on the phone with my sister and lost track of time. But it wasn’t intentional.

After an incident in our mail room, where Nina 2 loudly huffed as she stood behind me while I searched for a package, then gruffly asked me to step aside so she could get hers, my anxiety kicked into high gear. I replayed the scenarios with a girl from my office. She was a Native New Yorker who’d taken me under her wing.

“Next time she pulls something like that, ask her why she’s always so rude,” she said. “Put that bitch in her place.”

“I can’t say that.”

“Yes, you can. That’s three times now that she’s gotten you alone and done something like that. It’s intentional. “

Before I had a chance to use that comeback, I saw Nina 2 walk into our building and let the door close on Robin, another tenant. Robin and I both headed to our mailboxes upon entering the building. I checked to ensure the lobby was empty and seized my opportunity for clarity.

“Hi,” I said to her. “Can I ask you a question?”

Robin took off her Walkman earphones (It was the nineties. Don’t judge.) “Sure.”

“The woman who came in right before you…”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, God. Her?”

I gasped. “Yes!”

“She’s rude,” Robin said. “I don't know what her problem is.”

A wave of relief crashed over me. I’d found a kindred spirit. We stood by the mailboxes for the next ten minutes, trading stories. It wasn’t a me thing. It was a Nina 2 thing.

Nina 2 was the Face Girl before there was a Face Girl. Her specialty was lobbing verbal grenades and dipping just before they detonated. The elevator, laundry room, and mailroom were enclosed in small spaces. This gave Nina 2 control. As my co-worker said, she’d chosen moments where I was literally trapped alone with her to pass her snide comments. Having nowhere to go, I was extra vulnerable, and she knew it. Just like Face Girl knew her tête-à-tête with Carrie in the ladies’ room would make Carrie feel that much more exposed.

That was the point.

One weekend afternoon, Robin and I were walking home from the gym together. We were so caught up in our conversation that we didn’t see Nina 2 approaching the building entrance from the opposite direction. I could have sworn that, upon seeing us, Nina 2 picked up her pace so she could arrive at the door before us.

She did.

With us right on her heels, Nina 2 caught my eye, walked through the door…and let it close behind her.

Robin let out a snort. ”Of course,” she said.

To my surprise, a week later, she held the door open for me. There was no eye contact. No pleasantry. But it was a start. I think seeing Robin and me together was a wake-up call. She knew she’d been rude to both of us, and it was clear we’d become friends and likely swapped stories about her. That took her power away, because now Robin and I could back each other up.

We never found out why Nina 2 was such a Mean Girl. My opinion is that she enjoyed making those around her feel as small as she felt. Or she took pleasure in hurting people’s feelings. Either way, she sucked.

Carrie Bradshaw's voice-over.

Maybe some people make others uncomfortable to elevate themselves. Others might act distant because they’re going through something they don’t feel comfortable sharing. Sometimes people are just THE WORST. And sometimes you’re the problem. What matters most is that you learn to tell the difference and accept that you might never get the resolution or answers you desire.

Roll credits.

PUT IT IN THE BOOK, HONEY

Here are the journal recommendations I mentioned in the episode.

Clever Fox Four-Minute Journal - This journal features brief, low-pressure prompts that help you check in with yourself without overthinking. No long entries required. Just a few intentional moments to pause, reflect, and move on with your day. The mood tracker (something I highly recommend) helps you start noticing patterns over time and helps you identify triggers.

Clever Fox Mental Health & Anxiety Journal – Guided CBT Journal with Prompts for Self Help & Stress Relief - As someone with anxiety, this journal is what I use when I need grounding. The prompts help me talk myself through the panic and assess the situation objectively. There is also a mood tracker on each page that I can monitor and determine potential patterns in my anxiety spikes.

Taja Lined Spiral Journal Notebook - This is just a simple lined notebook. There’s a section to write the date, but that is the only prompt. These are for the days when I really want to brain dump. Plus, I can use my mini-printer and use it as a scrapbook.

I recently discussed a pattern I keep seeing in the discourse around Danielle Walter's engagement. Specifically, the way some women go on the attack to shut down any questioning of the narrative. The language is predictable. “Just be happy for her.” “You sound jealous.” “Why are you so negative?”

In this episode, I take the conversation about that pushback a step further. I break down why I believe that reaction is so strong and why it’s not actually about defending one relationship. It’s about defending a belief system. When your identity is tied to marriage, being chosen, or centering men, hearing someone question that can feel personal.

Then we get into something deeper. Why are these women so eager to convince us that the bad vibes we’re feeling about Danielle Walter’s relationship are in our heads?

That’s where the conversation shifts to the question of anxiety versus intuition. Because what women are often taught to label as anxiety is actually their intuition picking up on something they can’t yet explain. That physical reaction. That uneasiness. That sense that something is off. It’s not always insecurity or overthinking. Sometimes it’s awareness.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Anxiety vs intuition and how to tell the difference

• Why women are conditioned to override their instincts

• The psychology behind defensive reactions to relationship criticism

• How social conditioning around marriage and male validation shapes responses

• Why questioning a relationship gets framed as jealousy

🍿WATCH A PREVIEW OF THE FULL VIDEO

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Have a situation that’s not quite adding up? A dynamic you can’t fully explain but can’t ignore either? Send it in. I’ll break it down, look at the behavior, and help you make sense of what you’re actually seeing. Send your questions to chris @ mycharacteranalysis.com.

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Yesterday, People magazine announced the engagement of influencer Danielle Walter and her boyfriend, Lucas Alcantara. True to form, any woman who expressed skepticism about the upcoming nuptials was labeled a Bitter Betty. Because when a relationship is built in public, God forbid people analyze what they see. And what many see is a big, bright bouquet of red flags.

In this episode, I’m talking fast-tracked relationships, curated transparency, influencer echo chambers, and why women are still expected to ignore red flags and context clues in favor of blind support.

Skepticism is not jealousy. Sometimes it is just pattern recognition.

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Hello!

Happy 2026.

Please note that I will be turning subscriptions back on for this Substack. If you wish to unsubscribe, please do so ASAP to avoid being billed again. Billing has been off since October, but will start again within the next few days.

Some people sabotage relationships by pushing people away. Others sabotage relationships by turning their love lives into content.

In this episode of Character Analysis, I take a deep dive into dating influencer Danielle Walter and why her viral 21-part relationship docuseries turned her into an internet punchline.

Drawing on my background as a former dating columnist and longtime dating-advice podcaster, I analyze Danielle’s public dating patterns, her self-described attachment style, and the ways self-sabotage can disguise itself as “boundaries,” growth, or empowerment. We explore why making a relationship public can function as a form of control, how curated intimacy impacts authenticity, and why some partners are surprisingly comfortable becoming part of someone else’s brand.

This episode also unpacks:

• Relationship self-sabotage vs. emotional availability

• Why turning dating into content can deter real intimacy

• Financial and power imbalances in influencer relationships

• The danger of prolonged honeymoon phases fueled by dopamine and oxytocin

• How rom-com storytelling distorts relationship expectations

• Why centering men as validation feels increasingly outdated in 2026

🎧 STICK AROUND UNTIL THE END for a self-care segment where I share tools that support ADHD, depression, executive function, and low-energy days—including my curated Amazon storefront focused on Easy Beauty for Hard Days, comfort, and nervous-system regulation.

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🧠ADHD/DEPRESSION/ANXIETY SUPPORT Curated picks to help lessen the effects of fatigue, brain fog, and overstimulation. ⁠https://www.amazon.com/shop/mycharacteranalysis/list/10CS1QGK5DNEE?ref_=aipsflist⁠

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Character Analysis

Character Analysis is where true crime, human behavior, and pop culture collide. With a trauma-informed lens, Christan Marashio goes beyond headlines to reveal the psychology, motivations, and cultural forces behind the stories that shape us.