I mentioned the other day that I was recently asked out by a man I’ve casually known for about two years. That might be overstating things a bit. He’s a doorman at a building where one of my regular dog walking clients lives. Let’s call him Nate.

At most, we’ve exchanged pleasantries as I walked through the lobby towards the elevator that I take to my client’s penthouse apartment. Over the last three months or so, he began making small talk. He’s never been inappropriate or asked prying questions. Everything has always been above board.

But here’s the thing:

Long-time followers know I’ve recently lost about 60 pounds over the past year. But it’s only been in the last couple of months that he’s begun engaging me beyond a slight nod and smile. The weather has been warmer, so I’m not as bundled up. I wear those cute Lululemon-dupe fitted sports jackets paired with the black Spanx leggings that have hung in my closet for four years, taunting me. My weight loss is more obvious now than it was around the holidays.

But I’ve always been me. Curly-haired, dog-walking, content-creating, podcast-hosting, always-in-athleisurewear me.

So why is he only noticing now? Maybe he was in a relationship? Maybe I just give off more approachable/confident vibes?

Or maybe he’s a man who might find overweight women attractive but would never date them. That’s the one I keep coming back to. And it’s the one I don’t know that I can get past.

Then there’s my RSD. (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.) In the year since I was diagnosed with ADHD, I’ve worked very hard at maintaining a regulated nervous system. I’d been in perpetual fight-or-flight for so long, I didn’t know what it meant to not always be on high alert.

Dating turns my anxiety and depression up to an eleven. Do I really want to throw myself into the lion’s den that is dating in 2026, risk rejection, and suffer a setback in the progress I’ve made because of (eww) a man?

I don’t currently have any plans to be in or near his building, so I have time to figure this out.

The main message I want to share is how challenging rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) can be for those who experience it. I am genuinely sorry your son struggles with this. Not only is it painful to experience, but as his mother, it’s twice as difficult to watch him suffer. I never knew about rejection sensitivity until my ADHD diagnosis. Just to be clear, RSD manifests differently for everyone. For me, it’s a consuming feeling of anxiety mixed with dread, even before any real or perceived rejection happens. Here’s an example:

A few months ago, I started walking a neighbor’s dog, an adorable Aussie. His owners made me a Preferred Walker after our first walk, but weeks later, I noticed I had been removed from their list. This triggered a spiral of anxiety: Did I do something wrong? Did they not like me? My thoughts raced with irrational questions: Was the dog hurt? What happened?

Everything I had planned for the day was scrapped. I’d put myself in such a state that I’d become completely dysregulated. You know that saying, the only way out is through? It’s true. When my RSD is activated, I don’t force myself to think of something else or redirect the anxiety because that doesn’t work for me, though it might help someone else. ADHD and anxiety are not cookie-cutter disorders. I open a journal—one I bought specifically for anxiety or RSD*—and write out what triggered me, my thought process, and the emotions I’m feeling. This journal prompts me to reframe my thoughts: Had I ever been removed as a preferred walker before? No. Did I do anything wrong on the walk? No. Had the owners reviewed me positively? Yes. Did they block me? No. Writing always provides me clarity by organizing my thoughts and reducing their mental weight. Plus, the act itself lets me rechannel my anxiety, which is key because my fight or flight response also gets triggered.

That’s what people often misunderstand about RSD: what seems trivial to others can feel truly overwhelming to someone going through it. Recognizing how intense RSD feels is central to supporting those who struggle with it.

Now that people have an idea what someone with RSD goes through when it’s triggered, let’s circle back to Spain’s question.

Rejection Sensitivity is real. This is the main message I want to reinforce: it’s not about insecurity or being melodramatic.

You know what this is. You’ve been through it before and always make it out. This is your mind playing tricks again. So, let’s work through it.

When I understood the reason behind my intense sadness, fear, and panic, it became easier to stop judging myself, which is crucial, as judgment often leads to shame and spiraling. Help your son understand why these thoughts feel real in the moment but likely aren’t rooted in fact.

The next thing - and this is critical in these times - is to make sure he has someone to talk to that can help him work through what he’s feeling. And by someone, I mean a person. Not AI. Apps are great for mindfulness exercises or for brain dumping thoughts. They should not replace any kind of person-to-person therapy. Help him put together a list of trustworthy, empathetic people he can contact. I thank God every day for my friend Sarah and the women in my true-crime Discord.

Suggest he keep a list of self-assessment questions in a notebook or app—whatever soothes him best. I prefer writing, but he should choose what works for him.

I hope this was helpful. If anyone reading has tips, I encourage them to share in the comments.

Thanks for listening, and thank you for being here.

Christan

Feedback is welcome in the comments. Please like and share if you have a moment.

You can see more of my journal recommendations on my Amazon Storefront.

*As an Amazon Affiliate, I receive a small commission for purchases.

Make sure you're following my new YouTube page for more video content and updates.

🙌Hello, my friend! Happy Friday.

This intro is going to be a little bit more personal than usual.

Not going to lie, things have been kinda dark lately. Dark enough that I called my doctor to up my dosage on my prescriptions. I know that’s probably heavy for what’s supposed to be a light, fun newsletter, but I did say that newsletter subscribers would get some tea. And the tea is my depression is depressioning. 😄 (Well, there’s more. Keep reading.)

I know one big trigger is that it was this time last year that Sam’s health really started to decline, and we had to say goodbye. I’ve been looking back on the pages I wrote in my journal from this time last year. I’ll be honest, back then, I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through it. But I did. I can see the progress in each entry. (See photo below.) I know I’ll get through this. It feels better to be able to say this out loud to you guys.

The other trigger comes from feeling like my content isn’t resonating with people anymore. I don’t mean the Idaho stuff. Personally, I’m doing what I can to move away from that case. For all intents and purposes, it’s over. Maybe I’m just burnt out?

🎭Now Let’s Talk Tea

I got asked out recently.

He works as a doorman at one of the buildings I frequent when picking up a dog. I explained that I didn’t give out my number, but would take his. It’s funny. Before I lost, now going on 70 pounds, I always felt pretty invisible. And I liked it that way. I’ve always been someone who was very comfortable by myself. That comes from growing up while my Mom was sick. Rightfully, the focus was on her. I learned how to keep myself occupied without feeling lonely. I’ve also been talking to my Ex more. One of the many things that appealed to me about that relationship was that he was as emotionally self-sufficient as I was. He’s very steady. He follows through. And I think he’s handsomebobansome. My biggest fear about dating again is my ADHD and depression. Because of my ADHD, I struggle with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. I’m not sure I want to deal with my RSD if something doesn’t work out. I’m too afraid it might set me back and erase the progress I’ve made.

🪂New Projects

Male Gaze Murders (Character Analysis: True Crime)

Right now, I’m working on a series called Male Gaze Killers, about men who target women they don’t know and why. I wanna talk about the different stages of crimes like that - the fantasy, the planning, the aftermath, etc. I’m trying to focus on offenders other than the ones we know about.

Sex and The City Rewind

I’ve tried this before. This time, I don’t want to focus on the episode so much as delve into the themes and issues the storylines highlight. I loved my most recent episode about Face Girl and why it might be bothersome when we think someone doesn’t like us. So, if there’s an episode you want analyzed, let me know!

Idaho 4 Essay Series (Character Analysis: True Crime)

My friend suggested I write a series of essays about watching the Idaho 4 case unfold from a content creator’s perspective. She said, I should talk about the different issues that arose from the case and from how it was covered online. She wanted to give me something to be excited about, something to get my dopamine surging. She knows me so well. I feel really lucky to have her.

🎥New YouTube

My Sex and The City content is getting a good response as well over on my new Youtube page. I created a new one to keep true-crime content separate, since the two audiences don’t really overlap. Would love it if you could follow the new page.

🧠BeSure To Follow My Substacks

This is where I post bonus podcast/video episodes, subscriber-only content, and other long-form video content that I don’t publish on TikTok or Instagram.

Character Analysis: True Crime

Character Analysis: Analysis of Human Behavior, Pop Culture & Internet Drama

If you have a moment, I’d love it if you guys could engage with my Youtube videos and Substack posts. A like or a share would be really appreciated.

Feel free to reply with any feedback.

Thank you for listening, and thank you for being here.

Christan

For the past five years, the approach of the holiday season held anticipation, not for the holidays, but for Brooke and Sam. Those two little dogs became my winter family. From December to March, everything felt different. Their presence added a warmth and comfort I’d never known I missed.

For the first time in several years, I’ve been dreading Christmas. After saying goodbye to Sam, my soul dog, in May, I’ve been dreading the quiet and the emotional gravity that always seems to thicken this time of year.

Brooke and Sam were cousins. Even after we said goodbye to Sam, I still regularly cared for Brooke. Sitting with Sam provided me with a much-needed sense of normalcy. When she was here, it tricked my brain into thinking that, somewhere under the covers or curled in her pink donut bed, Sam was here too. Brooke’s presence helped me forget the ache in my heart when I’d remember Sam was gone.

In October, Brooke’s owner confirmed that Brooke would be staying with me again for the extended winter visit. Hearing the news, I felt a small wave of relief.

That maybe there would still be a little heart beating alongside mine in the space Sam left behind.

But a few days ago, after confirming her stay twice, her owner informed me she was going to leave Brooke with her boyfriend. Two weeks before she was to arrive, I was notified that I’d given up other jobs, bought her a bed warmer, and stocked up on treats for nothing.

No apology. No real acknowledgment. Just an out-of-left-field change of plans.

And while the logistical and financial aspects were frustrating, the emotional part was something else entirely. It was the shock of realizing how much I’d been counting on that company — how much I needed a familiar presence to soften the edges of a season I’ve been quietly dreading since spring. Well, really, my whole life since my mother died.

The other day, during one of my TikTok Live Panels, someone asked what I did for a living. I paused. “Um…I’m a dog sitter. I mean, I don’t just do that, but...”

It’s true. I do more than care for pups. I create revenue-generating content. I’m proud of the work I do in both areas. So then why did I stumble when someone posed that question?

The decision to back away from coaching was two-pronged. First, I’d been creating dating content for two decades. I was dating advised-out.

Second, my ADHD and Depression had become so prohibitive that I had to make changes. I was coaching, creating content, and dog sitting every day. I was exhausted. My brain couldn’t withstand the workload. Writing had become harder. Researching topics was arduous as I had to re-read articles numerous times. I chose to focus on the two things that lit me up: Dogs and decoding human behavior.

This whole year has been a lesson in confronting what depression and ADHD have made difficult — and what they’ve made nearly impossible. There’s a kind of mourning in that, too: mourning the ease with which other people seem to move through life. Mourning the energy I wish I had. Mourning the version of myself I sometimes expect to magically appear.

So yes, losing this winter ritual hit me harder than I expected.

And yes, I felt embarrassed about it — embarrassed that a dog’s absence could make me feel so unmoored. But embarrassment is just shame in a different outfit, and I’m trying not to wear that this season.

This winter, I’ll be sitting with a quiet I didn’t choose.

And I don’t know exactly how that will feel. I know I’ll have moments. I’ll dress Luna in one of Sam’s sweaters. I’ll hear “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” and wish Sam could appear to curl up next to me in bed, even if only for a few minutes. I’ll picture that last walk I took with my mother when I was six years old and remember what the falling snow looked like under the amber glow of the street light.

Who knows? Maybe the holidays will be easier than I’m imagining. I have Luna to focus on. I’ll stuff a stocking for her and make dog-friendly Christmas cookies. I don’t know what it will stir up. New traditions. Old memories.

I don’t know if I’ll adapt quickly or feel the absence every single day.

None of that is tied up in a bow because life rarely cooperates that way.

There’s just the season ahead and whatever it brings — grief, stillness, maybe even moments of unexpected comfort.

What I do know is that I’m not running from any of it.

Not this time.

I’m letting the uncertainty be what it is — wide, unfinished, a little intimidating — and I’m meeting it as honestly as I can.

And for right now, that feels like enough.

It was about this time last year when I received my ADHD diagnosis. At the time, I knew little about this widespread disorder. I thought that taking a pill would solve all my neurospicy problems. While the Adderall certainly helped, I’ve learned that taking meds is just one stop on the journey I was making to navigate life with a differently wired brain.

Recording the podcast has presented a whole new set of challenges for me. It’s not as simple as writing a script and pressing record. More like, write a script, press record, press stop, re-write, press record, hit stop, go back, start over. This carried on for hours. Three days passed. Twelve hours of recordings and nothing to show for the effort.

It reminded me of when I was trying to write a story a few years back. I’d get to a certain point, then feel compelled to go back to the beginning and review what I’d written. That, of course, was a one-way ticket down the shame spiral. My mind flooded with thoughts of how embarrassing my story was and how I should be ashamed of my grammar and lack of vocabulary. I didn’t know what a pendant light was. I couldn’t figure out which direction the north or south wall was, where I’d placed my protagonist’s bay window. What would ever possess me to think I could write a book?

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I recounted my podcast recording experience to Sarah, my co-host on the Worth The Weight podcast. She’s known me for almost 15 years. Sarah saw my ADHD from a mile away and encouraged me to get a proper diagnosis. When I finished telling her how frustrated I was with my inability to finish the episode recording, she said something that completely reframed the way I think about productivity and focus.

“That’s the perfectionism that comes with ADHD. You have to remember that not good enough for you [a person with ADHD] is perfect to everyone else.”

I wrote the comment down in one of my journals (because I have many) so I wouldn’t forget it. It was what I kept telling myself as I recorded this week’s episode. My “not good enough” was everyone else’s perfect.

The other change I made to my process was to record in small segments. I set a goal for twelve minutes a day. That was just enough to feel I’d accomplished something without getting dysregulated. Dysregulation for me meant exhaustion and brain fog that could last for the rest of the day, making it near-impossible for me to get anything else done.

This was one of those lessons I had to learn by doing. A pill wasn’t going to fix my compulsive need for things to be just right. That was a coping mechanism I’d unknowingly put in place to regain a sense of control.

Over time, I’ve realized that my environment plays a massive role in how my brain functions. Soft lighting, tactile comfort, and sensory tools have become part of my mental health toolkit. They don’t “fix” my ADHD or depression, but they do help me come back to center. Below are a few of my favorite blogs, podcasts and products that have made a real difference when I feel overstimulated, unfocused, or drained.

ADHD with Jenna Free - I adore this podcast host. She’s knowledgeable and breaks down information in a way that is digestible and easy to process.

Therapy in a Nutshell - Emma is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist committed to making mental health discussions and support more accessible. Episodes are short but packed with vital insights and tips.

Galaxy Projector Light - I love these lights so much; I bought them for two of my friends. I knew I was onto something when I researched why these lights are so soothing. I came across a post about these lights on Neurospicy Nonsense. Warm ambient lighting has been known to help activate the parasympathetic nervous system and reduce fight-or-flight responses. If you like the LED candles, you can get them here.

Weighted blankets - My biggest challenge when I try to sleep is that my mind will not stop whirring. I doom scroll for hours. I looked into getting a Sleep Pod, but I get up and down so often during the night, I figured I’d get super annoyed if I had to keep taking it on and off. After doing a little research, I decided on a heated weighted blanket. Weighted blankets use deep pressure stimulation, which mimics the feeling of a hug. It helps slow your heart rate, lower stress hormones, and boost serotonin — the same chemical that helps you feel calm and grounded.

Northern Galaxy Light Projector - This one has special meaning for me. Losing my soul dog, Sam, back in May, kicked my depression into high gear. I followed a trend on TikTok where pet owners searched for the NASA pic of the day using the date their pet crossed the Rainbow Bridge. I typed in “May 5th” and got this. It was a photo of the Sun, Moon, and stars. My soul cat’s name was Moon, and Sam was my star. It may sound silly, but having this over my head as I fall asleep makes me feel like they’re close and looking over me. Along with the different colored lights, this projector has a built-in sound machine. The sounds give your brain something to focus on to calm an overactive brain.

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What’s something small that’s been helping you lately, even if it feels silly?

If this post resonated with you, please like and share with anyone who might need a little extra encouragement today.

“You can do better.”

It’s one of those phrases we all nod at when it’s said to someone else — a friend in a lopsided relationship, a coworker stuck in a job that drains them, a sister tolerating a “just okay” guy because she’s tired of being single. We say it with conviction. We believe it for them.

But when it comes to ourselves? It’s different. We hang on to the almost-good-enough because letting go feels like a loss. We mistake familiarity for value. We convince ourselves that crumbs are a feast because the unknown feels so much scarier.

I’ve been giving my apartment a facelift. New curtains, new bedside table, cute fairy lights. Over the weekend, I cleaned out the slanted shelves on either side of my flat-screen TV.

On one of the shelves was a spiral-bound photo album. It must have been at least thirty years old. The girl in those photos was a lifetime ago. I flipped from page to page, revisiting moments from my life that, at the time, felt monumental. Then I saw it.

A Christmas card.

I peeled back the cellophane and ran my fingers across the black-and-white cartoon. And just like that, I was back with Tom. (I know. I couldn’t help myself.)

Tomorrow’s bonus episode of Worth The Weight is all about the gap between knowing you can do better and actually believing it. We’ll talk about why we cling to the bare minimum, how to recognize when you’re stuck in scarcity, and ways to reprogram your brain to start wanting — and expecting — more for yourself. To read the full post and listen to tomorrow’s episode, you can subscribe below.

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